I really wanted to make this a Christmas to remember. I just have this feeling that I won't have Mom for another Christmas, at least one that she will remember or participate in.
First, we got this HUGE tree. It's an oddity - trees look so much smaller on the tree lot than when they come into your home. But this year, Mom and I spotted this tree right off the bat. I asked the tree folks to trim some off the bottom, but they didn't, so when they delivered the tree, it nearly hit the ceiling. In fact, the guy hit the ceiling fan twice when he was putting it in the stand for us. But it's a perfect Grand Fir and smells so good. Mom loved that tree the minute it came through the door.
The next step was decorating the darned tree. I always start at the bottom with the lights and work my way to the top. Mom usually helps me, but didn't offer this year. So I got the lights on as far as I could reach and it still left about three feet at the top that was completely bare and that's with eight strings of lights. I knew I couldn't get any ornaments up that high, so I finally called on a friend who has tall sons and the top of the tree now has lights and ornaments. It truly is beautiful.
My sister decided that we should have Christmas Day dinner at our house which meant we could have about 10 people here. I knew I needed some help with that many people coming and so I decided to have a simple supper of homemade clam chowder served in sour dough bread bowls, a fruit salad and pumpkin pie for dessert. Gradually, the number of people coming for dinner dwindled to six, which made things a lot simpler for me. Since part of our normal group of friends couldn't come for Christmas Day, Martha decided to have Mom and I to her house for dinner and then have the rest of the group later that evening for snacks. Christmas Eve Day, I was busy wrapping and getting what I could ready for the next day. By that night, I was exhausted and looking forward to the big day. We had a pleasant Christmas Eve with my sister and the rest of our little group of friends with good food and lots of gifts. I took Mom to see some of the Christmas lights around town after we left Martha's and we got home about 9:30 p.m. tired, but happy.
The next morning, though, was the beginning of my nightmare. After my shower, I got my pumpkin pie baked first thing in the morning. Then I got Mom's breakfast ready and the dog's breakfast ready and started preparing the clam chowder. Mom didn't get up until after 10 a.m. and I had the chowder well started by then. She seemed to take extra time getting ready that morning and by the time she got done, it was almost 11:30 a.m. As she ate breakfast, I finished the chowder and had all these dishes to do. I asked Mom to start the dishes for me. But she disappeared. She was in her bathroom and I thought she was having trouble, so I checked on her and she said she was doing fine. I started doing the dishes, knowing I still had the table to do, the bread bowls to get at Safeway, Mom had to wash her hair and put it up to dry, etc., etc. I washed and washed, had almost all the dishes washed, when I got worried again and checked on her. She said she was getting ready for our company. I replied it was much too early and asked again if she would please help me with the dishes. She finally came into the kitchen and started drying. I finished the dishes and asked her to get ready to wash her hair while I was gone. I raced to Safeway, got back home 30 minutes later only to find her holding the dog. As I put my groceries away, I asked her to get her shampoo and towel and I'd help her wash her hair. She absolutely refused. She hadn't washed her hair since Wednesday when Jill was here to do it for her. So I asked her to help me with the table. I asked her to get the leaf so we could have some extra room at the table and she brought out two folding chairs instead. We needed the chairs, but again, that's not what I asked. That's when I lost my temper and just couldn't talk to her for a while. She disappeared into her bedroom again and got ready while I got the bread bowls ready, stirred the clam chowder, decorated the table, and finally had time to get dressed myself. I was on the verge of tears. Not only was this day not turning out to be perfect as I had wanted so badly, it was turning out to be way more stressful than I had envisioned. So I kept singing "Away in a Manger" which seemed to calm my nerves quite a bit.
But I think the most hurtful thing all day was what my sister did.
The night before, I asked her if our friends were going to bring her to the house, in case she needed a ride since she can't drive yet because of her recent surgery. She replied that her friends were bringing her. I asked our guests to come about 5 p.m., so I was surprised when Martha and another friend of hers came to the door about 4:45 p.m. After Martha settled down a bit, I asked her where she had been. She said she had been at this friend's home since about 1 p.m. I couldn't believe it. I didn't say anything to her because I think I was so worn out that it really didn't dawn on me until today what she had done. Instead of spending Christmas Day here with her Mom and her sister, her only family, she chose to spend most of the day with a friend and her family. She offered no help and when she got here, she offered no help. She sat on her butt the whole time she was here. She did offer to wash dishes, but I declined because I knew she needed a ride back home and I wasn't going to take Martha home at that point.
Mom seemed angry the whole time our company was here. Martha seemed oblivious to that and just kept smiling at Mom. But when we opened more gifts, Mom's mood seemed to lighten up and she even liked the clam chowder, which turned out very tasty I might add, and the pie, which also turned out well.
Today, I cried at what Martha had done. I tried to make Martha's Christmas as pleasant as I could and this is what I get in return. Her friends and Mom and I all went together to get her a new TV so she would have a good choice of programs as she recuperated from her surgery instead of having to battle with her old one. I brought her over here for a visit. We got pizza for Christmas Eve and took it over to her house. I even got her two more gifts, plus stocking stuffers so she wouldn't feel bad not having anything to open on Christmas.
I feel like Martha just slapped me in the face. I don't understand how she can be so inconsiderate, especially with Mom as sick as she is. What's wrong with her? Or am I just expecting too much? I don't know. All I do know is that I'm hurt and so is Mom. And I wonder when Martha is going to grow up. She turns 50 in March, I think it's time.
And thank God for "Away in a Manger."
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