Crazy? Not yet

I had my second of six personal counseling sessions today. The counselor comes to the house, so I don't have to find someone to be with Mom. She comes early in the morning while Mom is still sleeping so we can talk freely.
The main thing is that she is reassuring me that I'm normal. That all the emotions and feelings I'm going through are OK. That is huge for me because at times I feel like I'm going absolutely crazy. And I might some day, I'm just not there yet.
Today we talked a lot about Martha. I told her I hesitated asking her to talk about Mom because I don't want to fight. The counselor agreed to be the intermediary, IF Martha agrees to come to a session. That's a big IF. I have asked Martha before to attend counseling to work on our relationship and she refused. But that was some time ago and perhaps she has changed to the point of being willing to go now.
I also celebrated my 55th birthday yesterday. I had to tell Mom that it was my birthday. That was really weird. And, in a complete act of unusual kindness, Martha offered to stay with Mom while I went out to dinner. I really don't like to go out at night any more, but I took her offer and enjoyed some delicious Chinese food. Mom wanted to go with me and couldn't understand why she had to stay with Martha.
Today (February 4) is my cousin's birthday and Mom has always called her in the past to wish her happy birthday. This day, however, she didn't recognize my cousin's name and absolutely refused to call her.
Alzheimer's is such an illogical disease. I just can't figure out how Mom's thought process works and that process varies from day to day.
Tomorrow we celebrate my birthday with some friends at Martha's house. I hope Mom can interact socially OK with the other people. Sometimes she's OK with them and sometimes not, so we'll see.
My birthday this year was just weird. I really don't want to celebrate another birthday like I had to this year. I guess I'd really like to celebrate it for real. Maybe next year.
I know this is where God wants me to be and I am supposed to be with Mom. It's just so damned hard.