As I grow older and hopefully wiser, I know that sometimes it's better to just keep my mouth shut than to blurt out something that I really don't want to say out loud.
Today, my sister usually comes over to give me a break, but when she called last night, I told her she didn't have to because I had a break on Wednesday. I thought perhaps she would come to see Mom anyway, but it's after 2 p.m. and she hasn't shown up. It's been almost a week since she has seen Mom.
I just don't get it.
And the thing is, I know I can't say anything to her. This is one of those things where she is making her own choices and I can't do anything about it. But it sure bugs the hell out of me.
So if I did say something to her, what would it be?
I would hopefully be very calm as I tell her that now Mom can't remember my sister's name most of the time and it's not going to get any better. Doesn't Martha realize that every moment she spends with Mom is precious?
I want to ask her how she is feeling about what Mom is going through. Is that why she stays away? Is that why she never takes her out to lunch? Or for a ride to see the fall colors?
I suggested last night during our brief conversation that Martha invite Mom to her house to see all the trick-or-treaters since she gets close to 100 little ghouls and goblins at her door. She said that she would ask Mom and I hope Mom goes.
But for Martha not to come to see Mom - well, I just don't understand.
So, and I say this as I clench my fist and grit my teeth and know that God needs to put His Hand over my mouth, I will continue to not say a word and just take care of Mom the best way I know how.
It still bugs the hell out of me though.
Everyone deals with these situations in different ways... I don't think you should give your sis "the out" by telling her she didn't need to come over because you already had a break on Wednesday. You can have more than one break a week, and should take "breaks" anytime someone offers. (even if you didn't leave, but did something there that you haven't been able to get to, or take a long hot bath, a nap, read a book, etc.).
ReplyDeleteI would definitely take her up on the "trick-or-treating" evening, I think it would do both you and your mom good.
You are doing one of the hardest jobs on earth right now, you deserve some respite care too. Talk to your sister, make arrangements for her to help out on a regular basis. She is your mom's daughter too. I pray you peace and strength every day... this is your gift ... your labor of love to your mother ... bless you my friend... you are a very special woman. Take Care <3 Joan