I finally got the courage to give Mom the written evaluation test that the neurologist sent home with us on Monday. I procrastinated doing it because I was simply afraid of what the results might be.
And I was right. Although I tried to mimic the nurses who I watched administer the test before, Mom still could not communicate to me what the test required. She couldn't tell me what day it was, the month, the city where we live, the state or even as she looked out the window at the autumn leaves, she couldn't tell me what season it is.
So with a heavy heart, I marked down her score and sealed it. It was 2 points below what an earlier test had scored.
As I was cleaning the kitchen, I heard Mom crying. I went into her bathroom and she was sitting on her little chair where she puts on her shoes just absolutely bawling. I asked what was wrong and she said, "Sally, I know all those answers, but I can't tell them to you." And she began sobbing again. I told her I knew she knew those answers. And then I left her because I began crying too.
This is so unfair. My Mom is one of the strongest, most courageous women I know. Why does she have this disease that is robbing her of all her dignity? God and I will have a long talk about this!
And it doesn't help that I cried too, but I just couldn't help it. It broke my heart to see Mom so frustrated. And the rest of the day she seemed kind of defeated.
I HATE this disease. I feel so damned helpless!
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