Something is going on with Mom. I don't know exactly what it is, but something is happening.
Sunday, I decided to wash Mom's sheets and blankets. It took almost all day, by the time she got up, but I got it all done and was so heartened to have everything clean for her - clean pajamas, clean sheets, clean blankets. Her bed was so clean and fresh smelling - I almost wish I had a clothesline to hang the sheets in the bright sunshine we're having now.
But when Sunday night came, Mom refused to get into bed. She came to me after we had gotten her pajamas on and said she couldn't use it. I asked her what she meant and she repeated her statement so I asked her to show me. In her bedroom, Mom stopped by her bed and pointed to it. "I can't use this," she said. I asked her why and she said "It's wet." I felt the sheets and of course they were not wet, but Mom had it stuck in her mind that since I had washed them, they were wet. She absolutely refused to get into bed, so finally, after about a half hour of arguing with her, I pulled the comforter over the sheets and blankets, got her another blanket and said she could sleep on that.
Monday was just another day, no big deal, Mom slept until about noon that day I think.
Tuesday, though, Mom wouldn't get up. I kept checking on her and finally she got up and was dressed before I knew it, about 3:30 p.m. I thought it was odd that she got up without saying anything or coming into the kitchen to see what I was up to. My answer came Tuesday evening when I was helping her get ready for bed about 10 p.m. and asked where her pajama bottoms were. Mom pointed to the bed, so I pulled back the sheets and there was poop all over her bottom sheet. I couldn't change the bed then, so I left Mom's jeans on her, put a big towel over the poop and got her into bed. After she was in bed, I discovered her pajama bottoms that were poopy too. But I didn't see poop anywhere else. I didn't know what her disposable panties looked like and I am such a wimp, I didn't want to know. I just thought Mom would be okay until I could change her bed the next day.
Today, Mom slept and slept. I checked on her once or twice an hour to make sure she was okay. She was sound asleep all day. Finally, I got her up about 5 p.m. because her caregiver was scheduled to come at 7 p.m. I took off the dirty sheets and washed them right away as I fed Mom something to eat. She's not eating well and will only eat bread, meat and potatoes. And it seems to me like she's having trouble swallowing. This evening, I gave her toast with butter and jam and a couple of glasses of milk. I had to coax her to eat all her toast. After she had showered and the caregiver left, I also had her eat a small ice cream sundae.
Mom looks so frail, moreso than I've noticed before. Her clothing is not fitting well because I think she's losing more weight. She cannot make any sentence make sense, which frustrates her IF she notices it.
I am just really getting the feeling that God is preparing her to leave us. Mom left me a long time ago, but physically she is still here. I think God is preparing me too, for when Mom leaves. I've got the contact list all done and in a notebook. I'm going to clean out her closet so we can donate some of her clothes. I can't really explain it well, but I have this feeling, not a scary feeling, almost a peaceful one, that Mom will leave soon. Now, God's time certainly isn't my time, so when I say soon, I'm thinking in the next couple of months. God's time might be the next couple of years, but somehow I don't think so.
And I'm so happy for Mom when she does leave us. She will be with Grandma Dora and Grandpa John, she'll see all her dear friends who she misses so much and she will be free of this awful disease that took her from me. I am so blessed to have had my Mom all this time, to have had her as my best friend, to have had her as my Rock (along with God). I miss her so much.
Thank you, my God, for letting me have Mom as long as I did. And I thank you for every day that I still have her. I pray, my Father, that you cradle her in Your Loving Arms and take her Home soon. Amen.
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