Today I had my second real break. I took Mom to my sister's house a little before 2 p.m. and dropped her off. I told Mom I was taking a drive and would be back in a little while.
As I pulled out of my sister's, I felt so tired. I drove toward home and instead of going anywhere today, a lovely fall day, I decided to just go home. It was the right decision, but I felt guilty.
It was so nice and peaceful here at home. No one coming into the room while I'm on the computer to demand I get something done right now. Not even a little dog who wanted to be held. So I played on the computer, watched a John Denver special on OPB, took a short nap and read.
Close to two hours of doing this, I began to feel guilty. I was ashamed that I wanted to just be alone for a while. I know I won't have Mom forever and I don't want to think about what life will be like without her. And I love her more than I can say. And I love my little adorable poodle. It's just that I really needed a break I guess. And maybe I shouldn't feel guilty about this, but I did.
Tonight things are back to normal. Mom is in the living room watching a special about Big Band music and really enjoying it. The dog is on her lap after I told her I wouldn't hold her any more. And I'm listening for any movement just in case Mom gets up and starts wandering.
And I'm already looking forward to a break next weekend.
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