Always expect the unexpected. That is what I'm learning.
Today I was supposed to get a few hours to myself. The rain had let up and it was a pleasant afternoon. Martha had actually asked Mom to come over to her house, so Mom was ready to go a little after 1 p.m. After we got in the car and she commented again on my "new" car, I told Mom that I was going to drop her off at Martha's and then go get a cup of coffee and take a little drive. Then Mom get that look on her face.
Every child knows this look. It's the "Well, if I have to," look. I asked Mom if that was OK and she said no, it wasn't OK. She wanted me there with her.
I had counted on this time to myself. I had been looking forward to it for a couple of days. I didn't have anything special planned except getting an iced coffee drink at one of my favorite spots and then just taking a little drive. So instead of time to myself, I drove over to my sister's and stayed there with Mom. On the way over there, I almost cried. I just had counted on it so.
My sister was surprised when I said I was staying and offered no help at all. She did take Mom for a walk and then I went to get my coffee, so I guess I got about 15 minutes. As Mom and Martha were walking away, Mom turned to me and asked if I'd be right back. I assured I would and I was waiting when they returned to my sister's house. And next weekend, Martha is gone to the beach, so I won't get a break then either. I don't want to be selfish, but I'm finding I really need this time to myself. But Mom was really clingy today and I don't know why.
I'm thinking she doesn't feel comfortable at Martha's house. It's not that my sister's house isn't comfortable, but I think Mom feels better in her own surroundings. I might have to negotiate with Martha so she will come over here. And Martha needs to come over more often. Most of the time Mom can't remember Martha's name and one of these days, she won't remember Martha. But Martha doesn't seem to realize how bad Mom is. I suppose Martha will have to deal with that at some point.
I think I'm just tired.
Oh, Sally...I am so sorry you are going through this! Martha is the youngest and I think it is way too easy for her to sit in her state of denile. I am not making excuses for her, but that is what I see. She has never had the kind of responsibility you have, simply because of being the youngest. My brothers didn't....my youngest son didn't. All I can say, is that one day, you will look back and be so glad you did all of this! God made you so special and He is right there with you and when your heart breaks, so does His. Continue to cling to Him, my friend....He will get you through this and He will make good come out of it. Romans 8:28!!
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