Something happened that made me sad today.
I made an appointment for Mom to get her toenails clipped last week. I know I must tell her several times about any appointment, so I told her several times yesterday and right before she went to bed I reminded her about getting up a little earlier than usual for her appointment.
Mom had been going to this woman for quite a few years, so she is no stranger to her. She sees her about every 6 weeks or so and she is in the same building as Mom's hair stylist, so everything is very familiar to Mom - or I should say it should be familiar.
I had a bad feeling when we pulled into the parking lot and Mom asked if she was getting her hair done again. I replied no, she was getting her toenails done today.
I had a check made out for Mom to give to the manicurist and gave it to her as she got out of the car. I decided to wait for Mom because I knew it wouldn't take her very long and as she walked up the few steps to the manicurist, she immediately tried to go into her hair stylist's salon. I was parked very close and yelled that she was seeing Toni today, not doing her hair. I was just about to get out of the car when she stopped at another salon that had the door open and the woman inside directed her to the right place.
After about a half hour, here comes Mom with the manicurist as an escort. As Mom walked around to the other side of the car, Toni came over to me and said Mom didn't know her. She said Mom walked by her salon and paused, saying she had a check for Toni. "I'm Toni," she said, but Mom didn't believe her. Eventually she convinced Mom was where she was supposed to be.
Bless her heart, Toni said I could call her if I ever needed to talk. And I do need to talk and I thank God for all the offers of help and support.
But this made me sad. Even with the increased dose of Namenda, Mom doesn't seem to be holding her own. I guess I was just hoping that she would be on a level field for a while and maybe this was just a little setback. I hope so.
Still it makes me sad to see Mom like this because I remember the strong woman who stood up to her in-laws and my Dad when she needed to. I remember after my Dad died how strong she was, even in the face of in-laws who wouldn't help her in her time of need. I remember all the hard work she did and how she never once complained about it, she just did it because it needed to be done.
Because of all these memories, this time in her life makes me sad. Sometimes I think I just can't take it.
I just read your whole blog. Sally, you are being an incredible daughter! Don't ever doubt it. I live with my mom too and although she is very healthy it is a challenge at times. I keep telling myself this is God's plan for me, why I am single and don't have a family. I'm sorry your sister isn't more help but when they don't live with it 24/7 they don't understand. I hope you can convince her to "relieve" you more often, you need to take care of yourself too. Have you tried a support group? Is there respite care available? Also, I have heard of people getting paid for taking care of their parents. Maybe you can look into that. The Alzheimer Association may be able to help you. It is such an awful disease, sometime it strikes people as early as 40 or 50. I too pray your mom will not have to suffer too long, it is hard to see someone become something they are not. I will keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteJanet Ray