Forgetting simple things

This morning I decided to go to Mass. I hadn't been in months and months and since this was Assumption, it was a perfect day to go. I don't particularly like the actual church I go to, but today I felt very thankful God allowed me to go to Mass and I dedicated my prayers to Mom. After Communion, I felt so thankful to God, I cried. Tears came easily and although I felt a little embarrassed by shedding tears in front of my fellow church goers, I shed them all the same. And as I drove home, I felt so good. But that didn't last long.

When I arrived home, I discovered Mom had gotten up just after I left. She hadn't gotten out of bed before 10 a.m. for more than a week, but this morning of all mornings, she decided to get up early. She was just finishing breakfast when I walked in the door and it wasn't her usual breakfast - just toast and a small glass of milk. I asked her why she didn't fix her oatmeal and she said she was afraid she wouldn't do it right. I walked into the kitchen and she had dropped a bunch of wooden toothpicks on the floor. I'm finding toothpicks everywhere nowadays. On the table, by her chair in the living room, on any kitchen counter. I picked the toothpicks up off the kitchen floor and asked Mom to be careful not to drop them. When I started to make toast for my own breakfast, I discovered there was no butter in the butter dish. I asked Mom what happened to the butter and she got defensive and said "I guess we ate it." I asked her why she didn't get some butter out of the fridge and she didn't answer. This is when she pretends not to hear a word I'm saying. I asked if she just had dry toast and she finally admitted she did. I felt so bad. Now I feel like I can't leave at all because she can't even remember where the butter is. This is just part of the "new normal" I must get used to. We prepared her oatmeal later in the day when she got hungry.

Wonder if I want to go to Mass again? Do I dare leave Mom on her own? Wonder if she wants to make her oatmeal after all and leaves the burner on high? Maybe I should just sneak out of the house from now on.