My Mom, Wilma, who turned 90 years old this year, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's on April 26, 2010. That date is burned into my memory. Since her diagnosis, she has been taking Namenda, and for a few weeks, I could see an improvement. But for the last month, she's gotten worse. We have an appointment with a neurologist on Thursday, Aug. 12.
I began to write down what I was thinking in January when I quit my job. I was thinking about a blog then, but I was so caught up in taking Mom to appointments and dealing with my sister who doesn't want to admit Mom is sick or offers to help, that I just didn't do it until today.
Please write down your thoughts for me. Tell me if I'm losing my mind. all I want to do is be a good daughter and give Mom the best care I can possibly give. And most of the time, I feel like I don't.
So here goes.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Mom is worse today. I had to guide her about making her oatmeal this morning. She had made her toast but hadn't started her oatmeal yet, so I had to tell her to get the pan, get the oatmeal, get the measuring cups, sugar, etc. Sigh. It's so hard to realize that this woman who has been such a rock in my life is no longer that rock. Now I am the parent and she is the child. Once in a while, Mom will shine through all that haze, but not very often.
Today was a weird day. I actually had to rethink my whole day because it was the first day I didn't go to work.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Today is the first day Mom couldn't remember my name. She had to ask me what my name is. I feel like this is a milestone that is marked by how bad she is really getting. She can't remember Martha's name (she is my only sister) half the time, but that's because Martha isn't spending much time with her.
Mom also picked some strawberries today. Most of them were rotten and I had to throw them away. This is only the second time she has attempted to pick them, and that's good that she even gets into the garden. The only time she goes outside any more is when she takes the dog out.
She's having a difficult day. I had to physically help her get her breakfast, the second day for this. She couldn't recognize what toast was. Yesterday she put her toast on a cereal bowl instead of a plate. But each morning, step by step, I must tell her what to do. I admit some mornings I just want to do it myself. It would be easier. But I figure as long as she's able to fix her breakfast, she should. I think it's good for her and it makes her feel a little useful.
This is the most difficult job I've ever had. I guess that's my mantra for now.
And I keep praying that God will take her home before she gets too bad. I just don't think I could take it if she got as bad as Maxine (Mom's best friend who recently dies from Alzheimer's) was. I think my heart would literally break.
And the financial worries are just overwhelming. I just hope we can get Mom's car sold before the end of the month or we're going to be in a world of hurt. I try to not let it bother me, but evidently it is because the muscles in my back are killing me. Not so bad today as yesterday, but I had to get up about 4 a.m. and take some ibuprofen. It's still cramping a little and usually that's where all my stress goes.
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