Paranoia

One of the effects of Alzheimer's is paranoia, which I thought Mom could avoid, but she proved me wrong.

Yesterday she took the dog outside first thing. When she tried to open the front door, it stuck as it sometimes does and I heard it so I opened the door for her.

Last night, after I got ready for bed, I noticed she was sitting up with the dog in her lap which is unusual. I asked her what was up and she said she had a few questions for me.

"Why did you lock me out of the house this morning?" she asked.

I was dumbfounded, and besides being tired and at 10:30 at night, I couldn't figure out what she meant.

She said, "When I tried to open the door this morning it was locked." I told her it was not locked, that it just got stuck and that's why I opened it for her.

"I know you locked the door," she said over and over again, and no matter how I tried to convince her I would NEVER lock her out of the house, she insisted I had. Finally I realized it was an argument I could never win.

I felt so sad to think that my Mom would even consider that I locked her out of the house. But it's another new normal for me. A few minutes later, after she was ready for bed, she acted as though she didn't even remember our conversation about the locked door. She probably didn't. That's one of the few good things about Alzheimer's - she forgets when we argue.

I went to Mass again this morning. It felt so good again. But this morning I was more prepared. Just in case Mom decided to rise early, I got her oatmeal ready and the toast in the toaster, so she could at least fix toast for breakfast and when I got home I could fix her oatmeal. Of course since I was prepared, she hadn't gotten up early and was barely out of bed by the time I got home from Mass. Like my good friend said, "Be prepared for anything."

I'm trying.