As I grow older and hopefully wiser, I know that sometimes it's better to just keep my mouth shut than to blurt out something that I really don't want to say out loud.
Today, my sister usually comes over to give me a break, but when she called last night, I told her she didn't have to because I had a break on Wednesday. I thought perhaps she would come to see Mom anyway, but it's after 2 p.m. and she hasn't shown up. It's been almost a week since she has seen Mom.
I just don't get it.
And the thing is, I know I can't say anything to her. This is one of those things where she is making her own choices and I can't do anything about it. But it sure bugs the hell out of me.
So if I did say something to her, what would it be?
I would hopefully be very calm as I tell her that now Mom can't remember my sister's name most of the time and it's not going to get any better. Doesn't Martha realize that every moment she spends with Mom is precious?
I want to ask her how she is feeling about what Mom is going through. Is that why she stays away? Is that why she never takes her out to lunch? Or for a ride to see the fall colors?
I suggested last night during our brief conversation that Martha invite Mom to her house to see all the trick-or-treaters since she gets close to 100 little ghouls and goblins at her door. She said that she would ask Mom and I hope Mom goes.
But for Martha not to come to see Mom - well, I just don't understand.
So, and I say this as I clench my fist and grit my teeth and know that God needs to put His Hand over my mouth, I will continue to not say a word and just take care of Mom the best way I know how.
It still bugs the hell out of me though.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
My sister was my brother last night
Mom seemed very confused last night, more than usual.
Just before she went to bed, she asked me why the man hadn't come to visit or called.
I asked who she meant because we have no visitors who are men.
She said the teacher who lives downtown.
I just couldn't figure out who she meant.
Then she said the man was my brother.
I told her I have no brother and asked her if she meant my sister who teaches and she adamantly said absolutely not. She just could not think of his name and she was so ashamed that she couldn't remember. After a long discussion and me trying to unravel the mystery of who she was trying to remember, it finally came to her that indeed it was my sister she was trying to remember.
Martha had called earlier that evening to say she wasn't up to visiting today and maybe she would drop by tomorrow.
Mom didn't remember that conversation at all. The conversation that was held only a couple of hours before.
And she absolutely couldn't remember Martha's name.
Martha hasn't seen Mom in a week. When she came this afternoon after school, Mom recognized her right away and came to tell me we had company.
I think Mom couldn't remember Martha because she hadn't seen her in so long. It's Martha's decision about how often she comes to see Mom, but if she continues to only see her once a week, I believe there will come a time when Mom won't recognize her. And that time might be fast approaching.
Although Mom's decline is not fast moving right now, I keep noticing little things that she could do before that she has trouble with now. And I think about when she was diagnosed in April and how quickly she has changed since then.
Yes, God is whispering to me that I can't change Martha or how she handles this situation. All I can do is love my Mom and let Martha handle this her own way.
Gee, does this mean I must stop being a control freak? Yep, I think God is making His point hit home.
Just before she went to bed, she asked me why the man hadn't come to visit or called.
I asked who she meant because we have no visitors who are men.
She said the teacher who lives downtown.
I just couldn't figure out who she meant.
Then she said the man was my brother.
I told her I have no brother and asked her if she meant my sister who teaches and she adamantly said absolutely not. She just could not think of his name and she was so ashamed that she couldn't remember. After a long discussion and me trying to unravel the mystery of who she was trying to remember, it finally came to her that indeed it was my sister she was trying to remember.
Martha had called earlier that evening to say she wasn't up to visiting today and maybe she would drop by tomorrow.
Mom didn't remember that conversation at all. The conversation that was held only a couple of hours before.
And she absolutely couldn't remember Martha's name.
Martha hasn't seen Mom in a week. When she came this afternoon after school, Mom recognized her right away and came to tell me we had company.
I think Mom couldn't remember Martha because she hadn't seen her in so long. It's Martha's decision about how often she comes to see Mom, but if she continues to only see her once a week, I believe there will come a time when Mom won't recognize her. And that time might be fast approaching.
Although Mom's decline is not fast moving right now, I keep noticing little things that she could do before that she has trouble with now. And I think about when she was diagnosed in April and how quickly she has changed since then.
Yes, God is whispering to me that I can't change Martha or how she handles this situation. All I can do is love my Mom and let Martha handle this her own way.
Gee, does this mean I must stop being a control freak? Yep, I think God is making His point hit home.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tears of frustration
I finally got the courage to give Mom the written evaluation test that the neurologist sent home with us on Monday. I procrastinated doing it because I was simply afraid of what the results might be.
And I was right. Although I tried to mimic the nurses who I watched administer the test before, Mom still could not communicate to me what the test required. She couldn't tell me what day it was, the month, the city where we live, the state or even as she looked out the window at the autumn leaves, she couldn't tell me what season it is.
So with a heavy heart, I marked down her score and sealed it. It was 2 points below what an earlier test had scored.
As I was cleaning the kitchen, I heard Mom crying. I went into her bathroom and she was sitting on her little chair where she puts on her shoes just absolutely bawling. I asked what was wrong and she said, "Sally, I know all those answers, but I can't tell them to you." And she began sobbing again. I told her I knew she knew those answers. And then I left her because I began crying too.
This is so unfair. My Mom is one of the strongest, most courageous women I know. Why does she have this disease that is robbing her of all her dignity? God and I will have a long talk about this!
And it doesn't help that I cried too, but I just couldn't help it. It broke my heart to see Mom so frustrated. And the rest of the day she seemed kind of defeated.
I HATE this disease. I feel so damned helpless!
And I was right. Although I tried to mimic the nurses who I watched administer the test before, Mom still could not communicate to me what the test required. She couldn't tell me what day it was, the month, the city where we live, the state or even as she looked out the window at the autumn leaves, she couldn't tell me what season it is.
So with a heavy heart, I marked down her score and sealed it. It was 2 points below what an earlier test had scored.
As I was cleaning the kitchen, I heard Mom crying. I went into her bathroom and she was sitting on her little chair where she puts on her shoes just absolutely bawling. I asked what was wrong and she said, "Sally, I know all those answers, but I can't tell them to you." And she began sobbing again. I told her I knew she knew those answers. And then I left her because I began crying too.
This is so unfair. My Mom is one of the strongest, most courageous women I know. Why does she have this disease that is robbing her of all her dignity? God and I will have a long talk about this!
And it doesn't help that I cried too, but I just couldn't help it. It broke my heart to see Mom so frustrated. And the rest of the day she seemed kind of defeated.
I HATE this disease. I feel so damned helpless!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Third visit to the neurologist
Monday Mom had her third visit with the neurologist.
He asked how Mom was doing and talked to Mom a little. He attempted to give her an evaluation test, where he asked her questions such as what day it is, the month, what city she lives in, etc. After trying unsuccessfully to get her to answer questions, he looked at me and said he believed her condition had deteriorated. I responded that she was nervous because she was out of her element and that if she was at home, perhaps she would respond more successfully. The doctor sent me home with a copy of the test and I am to mail it back to him.
I really think Mom is maintaining. She just doesn't seem worse to me, but I might be denying a lot of signs too. I am really trying to be aware of her actions and condition, but I am also aware that I still am her daughter and I don't want to see a lot of things she does.
And Martha, my sister, was there.
I prayed and prayed about seeing her again after her rude behavior on Saturday. I give thanks to God for the peace that I feel right now about Martha.
I finally realized that I can't change her - I can't change her behavior or the way she chooses to react to Mom's condition. All I can do is do my best to take care of Mom.
I am such a control freak that I always think that I can make Martha change, that if I just point out to her that she is being rude or that her behavior is hurtful, that she will realize it and change her behavior. But God finally pointed out that I can't change her - only Martha can change and I really don't believe she ever will. And realizing that, and God finally slapping me on my thick skull, makes me feel so much more at peace. When she is rude or hurtful, I am choosing not to respond. I will ignore her completely. I will pray each time I think I might have contact with her, so that I am very aware of what might happen and listen to God if I do respond to her in any way. And I will pray ... and pray ... and pray ...
He asked how Mom was doing and talked to Mom a little. He attempted to give her an evaluation test, where he asked her questions such as what day it is, the month, what city she lives in, etc. After trying unsuccessfully to get her to answer questions, he looked at me and said he believed her condition had deteriorated. I responded that she was nervous because she was out of her element and that if she was at home, perhaps she would respond more successfully. The doctor sent me home with a copy of the test and I am to mail it back to him.
I really think Mom is maintaining. She just doesn't seem worse to me, but I might be denying a lot of signs too. I am really trying to be aware of her actions and condition, but I am also aware that I still am her daughter and I don't want to see a lot of things she does.
And Martha, my sister, was there.
I prayed and prayed about seeing her again after her rude behavior on Saturday. I give thanks to God for the peace that I feel right now about Martha.
I finally realized that I can't change her - I can't change her behavior or the way she chooses to react to Mom's condition. All I can do is do my best to take care of Mom.
I am such a control freak that I always think that I can make Martha change, that if I just point out to her that she is being rude or that her behavior is hurtful, that she will realize it and change her behavior. But God finally pointed out that I can't change her - only Martha can change and I really don't believe she ever will. And realizing that, and God finally slapping me on my thick skull, makes me feel so much more at peace. When she is rude or hurtful, I am choosing not to respond. I will ignore her completely. I will pray each time I think I might have contact with her, so that I am very aware of what might happen and listen to God if I do respond to her in any way. And I will pray ... and pray ... and pray ...
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Feeling beaten up today
This morning I slept until 11 a.m. I never sleep that late. I am usually a morning person. But after yesterday, I guess I needed some rest.
What do you say to a sibling who doesn't want to talk about something that's happening in your family but unleashes all the mean-ness she can muster?
Yesterday was my usual break. My sister has volunteered to come for a few hours one afternoon during the weekend so I can get out of the house. She has been showing up between 10:30 and 11:30 a.m., but yesterday she didn't. I got up early, showered, washed my hair and ran to the grocery store before Mom got up. Then I made some egg salad so Mom could have some lunch with Martha. I was going to stir up some cinnamon rolls for some friends, but when I looked at the clock it was getting close to 11 a.m. so I didn't. By noon, my sister hadn't come or called, so a little after noon, I called her. She said she had finished exercising and was at Hallmark getting a birthday card. She arrived a few minutes later.
My rolls could've been raising in the pans by the time she got here.
Before I left, I said I was going to get some apples a local produce market.
That's the first thing I did was get some of their wonderful sweet juicy apples. And although it was a little cool, the sun was shining so bright and inviting that I drove to Rainier to a local Amish furniture store to look at their beautiful furniture and dream a bit. Then I drove to a mall, parked and called a friend. After about an hour on the phone with her, I stopped to get some Chinese food and went home. I was gone about three hours.
When I walked in the door, I had the apples in a bag and my Chinese food. My sister and Mom were sitting on the couch.
I put the bags down and sat down in the living room and my sister looked at me and said, "Well, I don't see any apples!"
It took me a minute to digest what she had said and then I shot back, "Well, Martha, they're in the kitchen in a bag by the refrigerator."
"Well, I guess I'm leaving," she said and left. As she walked out the door, I said, "Goodbye, Martha," and she replied, "Goodbye" in a tone that said, "I never want to see you again."
I didn't cry then, but my feelings were really hurt. What I had done now? And why did she say something like that? All questions that will remain unanswered because Martha will NOT talk about what she's feeling about Mom and what's happening to her. So I don't know if she didn't want to come yesterday and felt obligated or if she just needed to take out something on me or what.
All I do know is that I was so hurt.
If she doesn't want to continue to be with Mom on the weekend, all she has to do is tell me and I can make other arrangements.
Later that night I watched a movie about a dog and at the end I was just bawling. The tears just came and came and wouldn't stop. I know it just wasn't about the movie, that it was just all the crap welled up in me about the day. I think the well got pumped out last night. I even emptied a box of tissue.
So this morning, I woke up and my whole body felt like someone had punched me over and over.
I guess it will take time to heal.
And I am so looking forward to going to the neurologist because my sister will be joining us. I wish she wouldn't come at all. She just adds more stress.
What do you say to a sibling who doesn't want to talk about something that's happening in your family but unleashes all the mean-ness she can muster?
Yesterday was my usual break. My sister has volunteered to come for a few hours one afternoon during the weekend so I can get out of the house. She has been showing up between 10:30 and 11:30 a.m., but yesterday she didn't. I got up early, showered, washed my hair and ran to the grocery store before Mom got up. Then I made some egg salad so Mom could have some lunch with Martha. I was going to stir up some cinnamon rolls for some friends, but when I looked at the clock it was getting close to 11 a.m. so I didn't. By noon, my sister hadn't come or called, so a little after noon, I called her. She said she had finished exercising and was at Hallmark getting a birthday card. She arrived a few minutes later.
My rolls could've been raising in the pans by the time she got here.
Before I left, I said I was going to get some apples a local produce market.
That's the first thing I did was get some of their wonderful sweet juicy apples. And although it was a little cool, the sun was shining so bright and inviting that I drove to Rainier to a local Amish furniture store to look at their beautiful furniture and dream a bit. Then I drove to a mall, parked and called a friend. After about an hour on the phone with her, I stopped to get some Chinese food and went home. I was gone about three hours.
When I walked in the door, I had the apples in a bag and my Chinese food. My sister and Mom were sitting on the couch.
I put the bags down and sat down in the living room and my sister looked at me and said, "Well, I don't see any apples!"
It took me a minute to digest what she had said and then I shot back, "Well, Martha, they're in the kitchen in a bag by the refrigerator."
"Well, I guess I'm leaving," she said and left. As she walked out the door, I said, "Goodbye, Martha," and she replied, "Goodbye" in a tone that said, "I never want to see you again."
I didn't cry then, but my feelings were really hurt. What I had done now? And why did she say something like that? All questions that will remain unanswered because Martha will NOT talk about what she's feeling about Mom and what's happening to her. So I don't know if she didn't want to come yesterday and felt obligated or if she just needed to take out something on me or what.
All I do know is that I was so hurt.
If she doesn't want to continue to be with Mom on the weekend, all she has to do is tell me and I can make other arrangements.
Later that night I watched a movie about a dog and at the end I was just bawling. The tears just came and came and wouldn't stop. I know it just wasn't about the movie, that it was just all the crap welled up in me about the day. I think the well got pumped out last night. I even emptied a box of tissue.
So this morning, I woke up and my whole body felt like someone had punched me over and over.
I guess it will take time to heal.
And I am so looking forward to going to the neurologist because my sister will be joining us. I wish she wouldn't come at all. She just adds more stress.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Doing dishes
I'm really trying not to take over all of Mom's chores, but it's getting more and more difficult.
I do all the cooking and Mom wants to do the dishes, mainly because she thinks I don't get them clean enough.
We are almost out of dish soap, but we have just enough for tonight's dishes. Instead of using the last dab of soap, I caught her getting ready to squeeze some Jet Dry in the dish water. I just lost my temper at her because she scared me. I asked if she wanted to make us sick and I actually yelled at her. I squeezed the dish soap into the sink to make enough soapy suds and left her. I tossed the Jet Dry and the empty bottles of soap into the trash and will clean out the rest of the cabinet under the sink tomorrow.
I know I shouldn't analyze how her brain is working, or rather how her brain isn't working, and I really have tried to just accept how she acts and thinks. But it's things like this that just plain scare me. And because it's the second time I've caught her doing this, I wonder how many other times she has done it. The first time I caught her putting Windex into the sink to wash dishes with, but that was a few months ago. That scared the living daylights out of me. And that was after I caught her trying to use Windex to dust the furniture.
There are little signs she may be declining, such as not being able to read the numbers on a clock to tell the time and not being able to read what day it is. I know she thinks it's just easier to ask me, but when I ask her if she can't read the numbers on the microwave, she says she can't. And when I ask her to do it in front of me, she reads each number one by one, not like she's reading the time of day.
I guess it's just been a long day. I catch myself waking up in the middle of the night waiting to hear Mom breathe or make some kind of sound. I'm sleeping in a chair in our living room so I can be close to her and hear her if anything happens. I'm finding it more difficult to sleep each night.
So tonight when I say my prayers, I will ask for patience and understanding - again. And most of all, LOVE.
I do all the cooking and Mom wants to do the dishes, mainly because she thinks I don't get them clean enough.
We are almost out of dish soap, but we have just enough for tonight's dishes. Instead of using the last dab of soap, I caught her getting ready to squeeze some Jet Dry in the dish water. I just lost my temper at her because she scared me. I asked if she wanted to make us sick and I actually yelled at her. I squeezed the dish soap into the sink to make enough soapy suds and left her. I tossed the Jet Dry and the empty bottles of soap into the trash and will clean out the rest of the cabinet under the sink tomorrow.
I know I shouldn't analyze how her brain is working, or rather how her brain isn't working, and I really have tried to just accept how she acts and thinks. But it's things like this that just plain scare me. And because it's the second time I've caught her doing this, I wonder how many other times she has done it. The first time I caught her putting Windex into the sink to wash dishes with, but that was a few months ago. That scared the living daylights out of me. And that was after I caught her trying to use Windex to dust the furniture.
There are little signs she may be declining, such as not being able to read the numbers on a clock to tell the time and not being able to read what day it is. I know she thinks it's just easier to ask me, but when I ask her if she can't read the numbers on the microwave, she says she can't. And when I ask her to do it in front of me, she reads each number one by one, not like she's reading the time of day.
I guess it's just been a long day. I catch myself waking up in the middle of the night waiting to hear Mom breathe or make some kind of sound. I'm sleeping in a chair in our living room so I can be close to her and hear her if anything happens. I'm finding it more difficult to sleep each night.
So tonight when I say my prayers, I will ask for patience and understanding - again. And most of all, LOVE.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
This is my life now
As if I didn't have enough on my mind, I'm considering the future. If something happens to Mom, what will I do? It's not like I'm really worried about the future, I'm just wondering.
Mom has been the center of my life for a long time now. Even before she became ill, I always came home to her after work and prepared supper. I rarely went out after work with coworkers and even on weekends, I would stay home. I used to volunteer with the Humane Society when they would adopt dogs and cats at the mall, but Mom became so angry when I left her that I had to quit.
And when I was a reporter and the younger reporters wanted to get together after work or on a weekend, I had good intentions of meeting with them, but it seemed Mom always had some type of crisis I had to attend to when I'd come home and couldn't go. It was hard to explain to them that I had different responsibilities than they did at that time of their lives.
So when we went to the Oregon Coast, one of my all time favorite places on Earth, I wondered what it would be like to live there. I lived in Tillamook, Oregon, for about three years and loved it, but if I'm going to be that close to the ocean, I want to be ON the ocean, not near it. And what kind of job would I get? Should I take a chance and begin my own business? If so, what kind of business? And if not, what kind of job?
And is that the right place to go? Is that where God wants me to be?
I know I won't stay in Longview. There's nothing for me here. My sister and I aren't close at all and our relationship will remain the same way. And I really don't care for Longview. I like all the conveniences, but I don't care for living in this town.
I thought about going to Eastern Washington, maybe even back to Colfax, but there's really nothing there for me, except a lot of good memories and that it will always be home. And I don't think I could handle the winters there any more. I thought about moving to Walla Walla, but I don't want to be in the same town as that stupid Mary York, a former friend.
So I'm left with wondering where I will be and what I will be doing.
I guess I better just relax and leave it up to God.
Mom has been the center of my life for a long time now. Even before she became ill, I always came home to her after work and prepared supper. I rarely went out after work with coworkers and even on weekends, I would stay home. I used to volunteer with the Humane Society when they would adopt dogs and cats at the mall, but Mom became so angry when I left her that I had to quit.
And when I was a reporter and the younger reporters wanted to get together after work or on a weekend, I had good intentions of meeting with them, but it seemed Mom always had some type of crisis I had to attend to when I'd come home and couldn't go. It was hard to explain to them that I had different responsibilities than they did at that time of their lives.
So when we went to the Oregon Coast, one of my all time favorite places on Earth, I wondered what it would be like to live there. I lived in Tillamook, Oregon, for about three years and loved it, but if I'm going to be that close to the ocean, I want to be ON the ocean, not near it. And what kind of job would I get? Should I take a chance and begin my own business? If so, what kind of business? And if not, what kind of job?
And is that the right place to go? Is that where God wants me to be?
I know I won't stay in Longview. There's nothing for me here. My sister and I aren't close at all and our relationship will remain the same way. And I really don't care for Longview. I like all the conveniences, but I don't care for living in this town.
I thought about going to Eastern Washington, maybe even back to Colfax, but there's really nothing there for me, except a lot of good memories and that it will always be home. And I don't think I could handle the winters there any more. I thought about moving to Walla Walla, but I don't want to be in the same town as that stupid Mary York, a former friend.
So I'm left with wondering where I will be and what I will be doing.
I guess I better just relax and leave it up to God.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Good days
Mom has had two good days. I am learning that Alzheimer's does that - just when you think the patient is not doing so well, they start doing better.
I haven't helped Mom make her bed or do her bathroom morning and evening rituals for the last couple of days. She even remembered her nail appointment, but this time I walked her to the correct spot. She just seems more like my "old" Mom, but I know that will change at any moment.
I was thinking that since we're having such beautiful fall days and no one knows when that will end, that this might be a good time to go to Mount St. Helens, one of Mom's favorite places. So last night, I asked Mom if she'd like to go and she said she'd been thinking about it.
That's how it used to be with us - we could almost read each other's thoughts and finish each other's sentences. Oh how I miss that. But for the last two days, it's almost been that way.
Mom rose at her usual time this morning - about 10 a.m. - and began her usual routine. When I asked if she still wanted to go to the mountain, she said of course and got ready to go. After she finished breakfast and some other morning chores, off we went on a gorgeous fall day. It takes well over an hour to get to Hoffstadt Bluffs, where we usually stop, but the day was so clear, that I decided to drive on so Mom could see the mountain more clearly. So we climbed passt the Forest Learning Center and finally stopped at a lookout not far from Coldwater Ridge. I asked Mom is she'd like to go on and she said yes, so on we drove. And about 10 miles later, we were at Johnston Ridge. Actually we stopped at Loowit Lookout, and peered at the looming volcano before us. It still takes our breath away. And Mom couldn't get over all the trees we can still see 30 years later that were blown down and stripped during the eruption. And the bare bluffs blown down to solid rock.
She couldn't remember ever going to Johnston Ridge, but now she can. Hopefully. The weather was about as perfect as anyone could ask for. We even saw Mount Rainier in the distance.
I hope I am able to build more memories for Mom; even if they aren't new to me most of them are new to her.
And I thank God for every day and every trip I am able to take with her.
I haven't helped Mom make her bed or do her bathroom morning and evening rituals for the last couple of days. She even remembered her nail appointment, but this time I walked her to the correct spot. She just seems more like my "old" Mom, but I know that will change at any moment.
I was thinking that since we're having such beautiful fall days and no one knows when that will end, that this might be a good time to go to Mount St. Helens, one of Mom's favorite places. So last night, I asked Mom if she'd like to go and she said she'd been thinking about it.
That's how it used to be with us - we could almost read each other's thoughts and finish each other's sentences. Oh how I miss that. But for the last two days, it's almost been that way.
Mom rose at her usual time this morning - about 10 a.m. - and began her usual routine. When I asked if she still wanted to go to the mountain, she said of course and got ready to go. After she finished breakfast and some other morning chores, off we went on a gorgeous fall day. It takes well over an hour to get to Hoffstadt Bluffs, where we usually stop, but the day was so clear, that I decided to drive on so Mom could see the mountain more clearly. So we climbed passt the Forest Learning Center and finally stopped at a lookout not far from Coldwater Ridge. I asked Mom is she'd like to go on and she said yes, so on we drove. And about 10 miles later, we were at Johnston Ridge. Actually we stopped at Loowit Lookout, and peered at the looming volcano before us. It still takes our breath away. And Mom couldn't get over all the trees we can still see 30 years later that were blown down and stripped during the eruption. And the bare bluffs blown down to solid rock.
She couldn't remember ever going to Johnston Ridge, but now she can. Hopefully. The weather was about as perfect as anyone could ask for. We even saw Mount Rainier in the distance.
I hope I am able to build more memories for Mom; even if they aren't new to me most of them are new to her.
And I thank God for every day and every trip I am able to take with her.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
My break today
Finally after two weeks I got a break today. It was a beautiful fall afternoon and I enjoyed every minute. But my enjoyment didn't come without a price.
Mom is getting worse. Last night she came into the living room and said she couldn't find her toothpaste. I tried to tell her where it was, but she just couldn't find it and came back with a tube of Vaseline.
When she began not finding her things she needs daily, I got a little basket and put it on her counter in her bathroom. I made sure all of her necessities were in there, but now it's not helping. When we "found" the toothpaste, I asked her if she could read the label and she said no. Other than directly supervising what she's doing, which she absolutely hates, I don't know what else I can do.
She also said that someone had come into her bedroom and completely messed up her bed. I went into her bedroom and the only "mess" I could see was that her comforter wasn't on the bed. So together, we made her bed. She had just forgotten how.
Today when my sister came over to let me have my break, Mom and I were in the middle of Mom's morning ritual. At least my sister can now see how bad Mom is. My sister also got to see how Mom "makes" her breakfast with me giving her step-by-step instructions. My sister had never seen that and I don't believe she knew what goes on every morning. Now she does.
It's kind of frustrating for me because my sister never talks to me about Mom, so I don't know what she's feeling or how she is coping and I can't even guess. She and I are so different and handle things very differently.
I think Mom and my sister had a good afternoon because they tried to do a jigsaw puzzle. At least that was a little entertainment for Mom, rather than just sitting or watching TV. I hope they can share more afternoons like this.
While I was on my break, I went to a restaurant Mom and I always liked. I went by myself, which I hate to do, but I also realized this might be my new normal. Doing things by myself. Alone. Things Mom and I used to do. I really don't want to think about that.
Mom is getting worse. Last night she came into the living room and said she couldn't find her toothpaste. I tried to tell her where it was, but she just couldn't find it and came back with a tube of Vaseline.
When she began not finding her things she needs daily, I got a little basket and put it on her counter in her bathroom. I made sure all of her necessities were in there, but now it's not helping. When we "found" the toothpaste, I asked her if she could read the label and she said no. Other than directly supervising what she's doing, which she absolutely hates, I don't know what else I can do.
She also said that someone had come into her bedroom and completely messed up her bed. I went into her bedroom and the only "mess" I could see was that her comforter wasn't on the bed. So together, we made her bed. She had just forgotten how.
Today when my sister came over to let me have my break, Mom and I were in the middle of Mom's morning ritual. At least my sister can now see how bad Mom is. My sister also got to see how Mom "makes" her breakfast with me giving her step-by-step instructions. My sister had never seen that and I don't believe she knew what goes on every morning. Now she does.
It's kind of frustrating for me because my sister never talks to me about Mom, so I don't know what she's feeling or how she is coping and I can't even guess. She and I are so different and handle things very differently.
I think Mom and my sister had a good afternoon because they tried to do a jigsaw puzzle. At least that was a little entertainment for Mom, rather than just sitting or watching TV. I hope they can share more afternoons like this.
While I was on my break, I went to a restaurant Mom and I always liked. I went by myself, which I hate to do, but I also realized this might be my new normal. Doing things by myself. Alone. Things Mom and I used to do. I really don't want to think about that.
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