Every year, Mom and I travel to Eastern Washington, specifically Colfax, to put flowers on the family graves and visit with family and friends. It's a time I have always enjoyed being with Mom and we have shared some very special memories during our travels. I always look forward to going there because it's like going back home.
The moment we cross the Cascades, we feel better. I can't quite explain it, but the air is different, the humidity goes down, the traffic is lighter, there's more pickups on the roads with rifles mounted on the back windows and big ol' dogs riding along, tongues hanging out and tails a-waggin'. It's familiar territory for me. My heart, no matter where my body is located, will always be in the Palouse.
Besides, it's a chance to get the heck out of Dodge and see some new country.
Mom feels, or rather felt, the same way. My "old" Mom looked forward to the trips as much as I did and spent weeks getting ready - deciding what clothes to wear, what shoes to take, making sure she had all her necessities, etc. Even last year, after Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, Mom knew that we were going to Colfax, and even though she believed that the road to White Pass was new, or somehow different, when we crossed the pass, she knew every town, every road and knew she was on home ground.
But not this year.
She can't quite comprehend that we're going on our annual trip. She's gotten her suitcase out several times and asks when we're leaving. And she seems upset by the trip, not really looking forward to it. I've tried to share my enthusiasm with her, but she get stressed to the point that I'm not saying anything to her now about it.
Of course Martha decided she just can't go this year even when I asked her for help months ago. She wasn't going to be much, if any, help anyway, because she demanded her own room and also demanded that we had to get back early because of her obligations as a teacher.
To get rid of some of my own stress, I decided to take two days going to Colfax and two days coming back. Not only will it be less stressful for Mom, but it will be less stressful for me - trying to get Mom up and getting her ready, driving more than 350 miles with Mom and Gigi, not to mention getting myself ready, is just too much. Taking two days, we don't have to leave here until noon or after, we don't have to check out of the motels until 11 a.m., and no long days spent driving. It'll be much better.
The most difficult thing so far is not being able to share my enthusiasm for the trip with Mom. I can't ask her what she'd like to do, such as seeing the grizzly bears at WSU or going to the hummingbird farm near Dayton or getting ice cream and some Cougar Gold cheese from Ferdinand's or going to Eddy's for Chinese or to the Top Notch for a hamburger. We would always talk about what we would like to do during our time in Colfax and share our excitement. Since I can't do that, it's like I've lost yet another part of my Mom. I know I'm losing her, but this is just another painful part I've lost to this awful disease.
I hope, once we get to Colfax, that Mom will be okay, but I don't know that for sure.
And I am thinking this might be the last time Mom will be able to go, not only mentally, but physically able.
Please pray for us to not only have a safe trip, but have a trip filled with wonderful memories.
